December 22, 2016
Friends, Family, Friends-to-be,
Its humorous, when I launched my new website this spring I promised myself I’d start sharing more of my heart here, but I still have yet to do so. Life is so busy and I make such a point to get to know my clients on a personal level, but so many of them don’t always know a whole lot about me. So here’s to a fresh start! I’m hoping to get an early start by heading into the next year by sharing a little about what’s going on over here with the Link family. I can’t promise anything will be eloquent or honestly mean anything to anyone, but this is my heart so here it is.
Four years later and we’re having a baby!!
I always figured that a little one would make his/her arrival in a time where I didn’t think I’d be ready to be a mom. I figured it’d be God’s timing and that he would prepare me in ways I didn’t see coming. Bryce and I have always said someday we’d have kids, but it wasn’t anything that I particularly wanted right now. We got married nine months after I turned 18, so at ages 22 and 25 I felt like we were finally beginning to figure out who we are and how to love each other well. I for one have really struggled more than I’d like to admit (which God has SO used my growth in vulnerability) with depression. I’ve had a lot of healing and growth in my struggling over the past year or so, but “How can I be a good mom when I can barely take care of myself?” is a question I have continued to asked myself over and over even in that growth. I’ve spent the past four years convincing myself that I’ll never be good enough and that I’m no where near ready to be a mom and raise another person to live a life of joy.
So it make sense, right? I feel like I’m finally just beginning to grow into myself and really understanding who the Lord is and how he loves me. In the past several of months I have come to a place of surrender and peace. Being a police officers wife in a world that has little to no respect or understanding for the profession has forced me to become reliant on the Lord in many many ways. Although it wasn’t from the beginning and I still have thoughts that haunt me, I’ve found comfort in the Lords calling on our life. I’ve grown in trusting the sovereignty of God’s plan. He knows far greater than I do what’s best for us, and I can’t even pinpoint when it happened but I just trust Him. I wake up every day and before my feet hit the floor I make a conscious decision to surrender my plan, my thoughts, my fears, my life. All along I thought that this peace and surrender that I was learning and growing in was for the mere fact that my husband puts his life on the line daily for our community while it was most definitely for more than that. It was so that when it came time for the rubber to meet the road, and something outside of my plan came into my life, that it’d make sense to put into practice what I’ve been learning. While not every day is perfect I’m learning a life lived in fear is not a life lived at all so I’m counting this as a blessing, as I should and as it is, and doing my very best to walk in faith and not in fear.
Just two months ago I stood worshiping at a retreat I was a leader at and this little babe was in my belly and I had no idea! I teared up as I sang “take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior”. I couldn’t have understood in that moment what God had coming for us, but He was preparing my heart in ways I didn’t see immediately and that I’m so thankful for. He is so intentional. One of the biggest things God has been teaching me right now besides abiding in the peace he gives, is that when we are willing to follow His call for our lives he prepares us.
Isaiah 41:9-10 says “You whom I took from the ends of the earth, and called from its farthest corners, saying to you, “You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off; fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
When we are weak He is strong. He makes me adequate, Him alone. So in all of my doubt and fear in becoming a mom, He assures me that I am enough because I have Him. Its funny, it’s like He’s saying “Ash, you know me and you have began to grasp my love for you, but I want to give you this gift that will even further help you understand my love for you as my own child.” For me, this beautiful life that is growing inside my belly is not only exciting and terrifying, but a sure fire example of the fact that when we commit our lives to living for the Lord and trusting Him, His plan rules and is so sovereign over us.
The timing is really perfect. Everything the Lord has done in our lives and the things he has blessed us with in the past year have brought us to this exact moment. He’s prepared us in a way we didn’t understand as it was happening. There is so much joy to be had when you surrender your life to God. We’re thankful. We’re excited, ya’ll. This little babe is already a blessing, and we can’t wait to meet him/her.
It’s such a happy anniversary, season, holiday, life.
Lil Link coming July 2017
Special thanks to Maike of M.Rinaye Photography for taking these sweet pictures of us!